I was talking to a friend the other day about relationships and he asked me when the last time I went on a date was. First off, I had to think about it for a solid minute before I could even recall.
Two years ago.
He didn’t believe me. And I immediately started thinking, “is something wrong with me?”
All of my college roommates are not only insanely beautiful, but they are also the best people I know. They’re kind, generous, hilarious, fun, loving, and they radiate goodness.
Whenever we’d go to the bars, guys would flock to them. We’d always joke that Bridget hasn’t ever entered a bar without a guy either buying her a drink, checking her out, or asking for her number.
There aren’t enough fingers or toes on my body to count how many nights I walked home holding back tears wondering what was wrong with me and why guys wouldn’t give me the time of day.
Looking back, I was also extremely insecure and looking for validation in anyone who would give it to me.
It hurts my heart to even say this, but I really didn’t think I deserved to be loved. I was too talkative, too overweight, too boring, too emotional. Yet, not talkative enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not fun enough. It was the collision of “too much” and “not enough”
I read HUNDREDS of self-help articles and books. Went to yoga classes that broke my heart wide open and left me sobbing on my mat. I told myself over and over again not to be sad when a guy didn’t ask for my number and that I was perfect just the way I was. But, I continued to seek validation from external sources in everything I did.
It wasn’t until I realized that the missing piece of the puzzle was that the only validation I ever needed was my own. BINGO.
Fast forward two years, and I have done massive amounts of work in the self-love and validation department.
Instead of seeking out people whom I thought I needed to receive validation from, I started validating myself. I would literally stare at myself in the mirror and say, “you are beautiful, have such a great heart, do amazing things for others, have a brain that can process information at lightening speed, and you also make a bomb breakfast” Lol.
And it worked!
I started seeing myself from a place of love and shed my skin of “not enough-ness” Gosh, it has been the BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD.
A few weekends ago, I was in Cancun for a bachelorette party with five other girls who are so pretty, fun, have rockin’ bods and always get lots of attention.
Even though I’ve made a 180 in the way I view myself, I was still a little anxious leading up to the trip thinking about how I would look + act + be in comparison to them.
When I got there, I felt a sense of confidence and I spent very little energy on questioning my self-worth. It was such a fun weekend and I was so glad that I didn’t waste the trip with thoughts of not enough-ness.
The interesting thing about it, is that I know I’m not alone in this either. I’ve spoken to so many friends (especially girls) who go through the cycle of feeling less than. It’ll probably be something that will creep back into my life (and theirs) from time to time, but when you’re able to tap into your inherent worth, there’s nothing better than the feeling of love + peace in your heart.
I’ll end this long-winded post with one of my favorite quotes, “Suddenly, everything was beautiful. The way she viewed the world was nothing more but a reflection of herself.” -RM Drake