Could it be possible that you’re not alone right now because you’re broken or unlovable, but because there is something profound and divine that you must discover, and it is only knowable through solitude? -Brianna Wiest
This quote gives me ALL the feels.
For a long time, I felt cursed by my single-ness; as if I was damaged and something was wrong with me.
I searched high and low for the answers. What if I lost weight? What if I had the perfect job? What if I wore the trendiest clothes or had the best hair?
Would attaining any of the above change my relationship status?
Life laughed at me (while I cried, haha) and boldly said: NO.
Instead, my life began to change in the weirdest ways. My best friends started moving to other states, the ones I still had here were suddenly unavailable, my single friends got boyfriends, and I was left sitting in my bed with a pen and paper.
For the better part of last spring, I felt more alone than I have in a long time. It was just me, and only me. While I was still surrounded by amazing people, there was this feeling of loneliness that I couldn’t shake.
I now can pinpoint the “weird” experience as solitude.
Idk about you, but solitude sounds a lot more enriching than loneliness. And that’s exactly what it was for me.
I spent April-June getting to know the most important person in my life: myself. It sounds so weird to phrase it in that way, but I had filled my life with so many distractions that I didn’t know who I was. For years, my social, academic and work calendar was filled to the brim with activities. I rarely had a moment to breathe. Because of this, I completely ignored who I was and what I wanted + needed out of life.
When life ripped the rug right out from under me, I was left with a total stranger. I can distinctly remember thinking: who am I?
That period of solitude held the three most important months of my entire existence on this planet. While I wasn’t vacationing or making incredible memories, I was breaking down the walls I had built to guard my heart. And let me tell ya, there were a LOT of them!
Once I was able to understand that this season of life was here to serve me and not to punish me, things started to fall into place.
Suddenly I wasn’t so insecure and didn’t see myself as damaged for being single. I was able to appreciate that this season was serving a purpose; one that was ultimately helped me grow into a kinder, stronger and overall better human being.
There’s a chance that yes, I absolutely could end up #Single4Ever. Would I be sad? Probably. But at least I know I would be in the company of someone I know, love and trust: myself.
There’s also a chance that I won’t be #Single4Ever because I do want to get married + have kids in the (distant) future. And if that’s in my cards, then that’s in the cards.
Regardless of how my future love life turns out, I know I’ll be okay.
Here’s to embracing to this season of life and knowing that we’re all exactly where we’re supposed to be 🙂